Mark Twain Quotations
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way.
History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.
Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Familiarity breeds children.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet leaves on the heel that crushes it.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler -- and less trouble.
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy, you must have somebody to divide it with.
All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
I could never learn to like her except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Sometimes too much drink is barely enough.
Only Presidents, editors and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Irreverence is another person's disrespect to your god; there isn't any word that tells what your disrespect to his god is.
There has never been an intelligent person of the age of sixty who would consent to live his life over again.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
There are many humorous things in the world, among them the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
There ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. (Mark Twain)